Did you know the circuitry of your brain and your friend’s refrigerator are deeply connected? Let me explain…
For years I’ve used a term called “Fridge Rights” when describing a feeling of “being at home”. There’s a certain benchmark in my personal friendships that highlights this every time. If a friend comes over to the house and feels comfortable enough to go into my kitchen, open the fridge and get something out, WITHOUT ASKING PERMISSION, I know they feel at home. They have “Fridge Rights.” They feel comfortable, at-ease, no judgement, like it’s their place. Some people may not like that… but I do. I like when my friends, team members and family feel comfortable in my home. I like it when they feel a sense of belonging.
How is that connected to the circuitry of the brain? Great question. Deep inside the anatomy of every brain is something called the Amygdala. It's our primeval vigilance device, constantly scanning the environment. When we sense a threat, the amygdala pulls our alarm cord, setting off the fight-or-flight response that floods our body with stimulation hormones, and it shrinks our perceived world to a single question: What do I need to do to survive? When you receive a belonging cue (i.e. safety in a friend’s house), the amygdala switches roles and starts to use its immense unconscious neural horsepower to build and sustain your social bonds. It tracks members of your group, tunes in to their interactions, and sets the stage for meaningful engagement. In a heartbeat, it transforms from a growling guard dog into an energetic guide dog with a single-minded goal: to make sure you stay tightly connected with your people. This doesn’t just happen at a friend’s house of course. It happens everywhere you go, especially at work.*
The moment you’re part of a group, the amygdala tunes in to who’s in that group and starts intensely tracking them. Because these people are valuable to you. They were strangers before, but they’re on your team now, and that changes the whole dynamic. This is why creating a work environment that feels like family is crucial to the success of any organization. People must belong. Not only does this produce a more life-giving environment for team members but productivity goes through the roof.
Belonging cues typically possess 3 traits:
Proactive Presence:They invest in the exchange that is occurring in that moment.
Focused Individualization:They value the people around them.
Futuristic Orientation:They signal the relationship will continue.
Your team is the most important commodity you have in the organization. Do they feel a sense of belonging? Do they have “fridge Rights”? Is your bottom-line suffering as a result?
Interested in learning how to ensure belong cues are happening on your team? We would love to help.
David Goochee
David is the co-founder and managing partner of Redwoods Leadership Group - a boutique training and development company specializing in growing healthy leaders and teams that last.
*Check out Daniel Coyle’s: The Culture Code for additional content on this subject.